Self-leadership has been such a fundamental of our practice the last many years, not to mention recent posts, and there’s a major reason for that:
So much of what we hope to BE, LIVE, and ACCOMPLISH in this lifetime, personally and professionally, depends on Self-Leadership.
The ability to create and manage yourself and your best life, in line with your visions and values. It is key to establishing long-term peace, ease, confidence and effectiveness.
Becoming the professional, leader, team and business that triumphs, despite challenges.
Nurturing and enjoying truly loving, respectful and resilient relationships.
And so much more.
It is the BEGINNING, to most coaching, consulting and training processes we do here, and it has proven its value and immense results, over and over again.
And it’s the BEGINNING overall.
But it’s hard.
We are physical, blessedly imperfect, learning beings.
It is our Life’s purpose to evolve the best way we can, for our own wellbeing, and that of those around us (even the World as a whole!).
Yet so much is beyond our control. Oftentimes, we barely even know our intentions, emotions, and best next steps.
Not to mention that the World is only getting more VUCA, by the second.
In the previous posts, we delved into the fundamentals of the Mental and Behavioral best practices of Self-Leadership, as outlined in the research of Bryant & Kazan, with our own insights alongside.
This time, we’re giving you some of our own, tried and true, wisdom on the topic, sourced from hundreds of previous clients, not to mention experiences, both personal and professional.
There’s always more to say, but I believe this will bring it home for you in a way that you can assimilate and apply this timeless concept, in your own particular Life.
1) Self-Leadership is a MINDSET, first and foremost.
It is the attitude, perspective and commitment to, whenever and however possible, CREATING a life and existence of your choosing.
Of course, many situations might require us to adapt, even comply to circumstances that we cannot change but must work with, despite our individual opinions and preferences (wars, pandemics, political situations, etc.).
But there are many other dynamics in life that we come to believe MUST be adhered to, when actually we have the right and power to strategize, plan, assert and communicate ourselves to get better results for ourselves and others.
Telling the difference between these two can be challenging.
Especially, if you (like many of us) were conditioned to believe that you are not good enough, not powerful enough, or too much of something else, to assert your desires.
But it’s not true. And integrating a mindset of Self-Leadership means always asking the question (when you wish) “What can I do to make this better?”. For myself, or others.
Doing so, and pursuing opportunities in that right, will open you up to an immense world of possibilities, alliances, and results, you never thought possible.
2) Results in Self-Leadership always implicate DEEP WORK.
A lot of today’s offers in personal and professional development will give you tactical “tips & tricks” to change how you think, feel and act in a given situation, with the intent of making you more effective.
But in our work here, we go deeper. Much, MUCH deeper.
Yes, we have a great variety of proven practices in a myriad of areas.
But none of that works, if each individual who commits to their own wellbeing and success, is not willing to confront, understand, and work with the underlying circumstances that cause their struggles in the first place.
You can learn the “best practices”, but if you forgo the deeper work of resolving what really blocks you, the moment you get tired or stressed, these “tips & tricks” practices will dissolve and you will be right where you started.
Self-Leadership is about TRUE transformation. That doesn’t mean it has to be awful. Not at all! We laugh and share and play a lot in our sessions here.
But for it to create the meaning and life-long beautiful change you so long for and deserve, we have to do it FULLY.
And for REAL.
3) Self-Leadership in PRACTICE, is always a work in progress, never perfection.
There’s an old saying that the entire purpose of life is for a soul to live the physical and human elements ascribed to it and evolve as best as possible in the process.
What that means is that in the VERY PURPOSE of Life, is implicated all the failures, struggles, pains, and imperfections of our human selves and our human lives.
That IS the POINT.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “it’s about the journey, NOT the destination”.
That sounds great but we rarely apply the practice.
Particularly in giving ourselves the Self-Compassion we so need and truly deserve, to pave our road to greater fulfillment, success and joy.
It IS a Journey. You GET to fail. It’s a fundamental part of the process.
So remember, as you continue on your own particular track: if you keep looking to all you’re still NOT, you will only sow sadness, anger, and disempowerment.
If you, despite your failures, focus on all that you’ve already accomplished, keeping alive your vision for all you hope to live and be, you will find inspiration and strength to make it happen.
And that, truly, is A LOT. Keep growing your seeds of progress, as habit change expert Annie Grace, touts in her programs.
4) Learn to live in the GRAY. (Actually, it’s called PARADOX)
This sounds a lot like the previous fundamental. But it’s different.
Sometimes, for whatever reason, we can be or feel “stuck” in the gray of life.
For months, even years.
And the reasons can be many: grief, continuous life challenges, a particularly hard life transition, or the like.
It may be hard for others to understand or accept this in your life. Mostly, because they’re afraid of it for you or themselves, and possibly also don’t wish you to suffer so much. But that’s on them.
Because at times, this IS life. Whether we want to accept it or not.
And yet, it’s totally, PERFECTLY, ok.
Carl Jung said that an important characteristic of an evolved human, was someone able to live in the PARADOX of life. The good and the bad.
You can grieve, and still have moments of joy.
You can be sick and weak and still create and triumph in certain things.
Also, you can struggle with something, yet if you look, possibly get the best insights of your life. And that gives POWER.
And it’s OK. I know it from experience. And from many people I’ve worked with.
This is by no means an easy place to be.
But it is IMMENSELY fertile ground for a lot of wonderful things to come.
And I don’t say that lightly or stupidly. I’ve lived it.
I had my most prolific personal and professional development process to date, during the worst moment of grief in my life, finding I couldn’t have children and diagnosed with severe endometriosis.
If you’re in such a moment of gray, connect with YOU first. Honor whatever it is you’re going through without guilt, shame, blame, or resentment. And if you feel those things as well, OK. Just let them be and don’t feel worse for it. It’s part of the process.
But please, please remember: you’re actually not alone.
And most importantly: you’re SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL than you imagine.
Just breath, give it time, search for your own preferred space, and help from those that make you feel safe – a new world WILL emerge.
5) More than anything, connect with the JOY behind your Self-Leadership goals.
Here’s the thing: all of these things we’re talking about, have no meaning, future or success if they don’t connect to things that TRULY make you happy.
There’s a massive difference with things you’ve LEARNED to do because you feel you SHOULD, even created a sense of SATISFACTION from, but that in their very core don’t bring you pleasure and joy.
They ARE important. And the ability to motivate around them is a huge success factor in Self-Leadership.
But just make sure you’re really connecting with deeper joys you believe such a change will bring you.
Diet changes will not just make you thinner, they may actually make you FEEL better from having better quality nutrition, digestion and physical wellbeing that WILL make you happier.
Exercise of the right kind, in the right ways for YOU, is not just about making you fitter but also feeling more flexible, energetic and positive from the shear results it creates in your body and mind.
Working on that relationship is not just the “right thing to do” to avoid future conflicts and issues, but could create more moments of trust and mutual benefit and joy, for you both.
And the list goes on.
Focus on what truly lights up your heart in any given Self-Leadership goal you set for yourself and then nurture that vision as you would a beloved child, pet, plant, etc.
It’s a different way of orienting. Towards LIGHT, LOVE, RELIEF, JOY, vs. guilt, obligation, pressure, etc.
We always love to hear from you so please share with us your own Self-Leadership challenges and wins. And if you’d like some support, don’t hesitate to contact us.
