So if you’ve been following our WeAreOne Sessions this year, focused on simple ideas and practices to make the most of this pandemic situation and life in general, you would’ve heard me mention this term “new normal” early on.
Now I certainly didn’t coin the term. And little did I know how incredibly ubiquitous it would become.
Perhaps also: a bit overused.
And disconcerting.
Why do I say that?
From the countless conversations we’ve had with folks this year, sometimes the concept of “new normal” feels like a punishment imposed on us all.
Maybe in some ways it is.
Or it began that way.
But new normal also means a NEW BEGINNING
I’m not just trying to be “positive” about this. Rather, we’ve all had experiences in our own lives over the years where sudden changes may have completely transformed our way of feeling, thinking and acting.
Our very perception of ourselves, others and the world.
And it can be jarring. But also incredibly freeing and inspiring.
When can this happen?
You lose your job. You gain a new job. You have a child. You lose a loved one. You change a major habit. You discover something new about yourself. You have a new relationship (of any kind that impacts). Or you lose or redefine one. Perhaps just with yourself.
And a MILLION other options.
The new normal in your life
In this case, yeah, it’s the pandemic. Economic crisis. Political upheaval and change.
And so much more.
But we’ve actually been doing THIS since we were born.
Shifting, changing, adapting, LEARNING, recognizing, growing, discovering, CREATING.
This is NOT our first rodeo.
It’s just the current one.
How do you make sense of this “new normal” and make it work for YOU?
Here’s a few things to spark your imagination:
1) Stop idealising the PAST
I’ve heard many folks, understandably, talking about their desire to “go back to the way things were”. This is so normal, especially if you and yours have suffered greatly in the current circumstances.
But “the way things were” was not as great as we now think it was. Perhaps we currently have greater appreciation for certain things, and that can serve as a powerful reminder of what we hold dear and want to nurture going forward.
However, the reality is that, even “back then”, we were still struggling, suffering, fighting, doubting, pushing, working, etc. to make sense of our existence and our lives for the better. We felt lost in some things and stronger in others.
The same way that this current situation has made many of us lost in some things, and stronger in others.
In other words: LIFE.
If you can stop constantly comparing the current circumstances to all that you miss from the past, you can better focus on what you have learned and gained throughout.
Of course, if you’ve suffered terrible losses, this is different.
Still, like with all challenges and painful transitions in life, positivity is about to find the LEARNING LESSON, the gratitude, the renewal in the struggle. Not pretending you’re fine.
2) Accept the SITUATION and the DISCOMFORT
Which brings us perfectly to this: this is all just odd, uncomfortable, worrying and confusing, in many moments.
For one reason or another. And no matter what your circumstances.
We’re all shedding precious “emotional credits” every single day just trying to stay OK.
Whatever that may mean for you.
And it’s more than we realize.
What that means is that there are less credits left over for EVERYTHING else.
So if you’re feeling tired, despondent, confused, listless, stressed, apathetic, or a host of other challenging emotions: it’s OK.
You’re NOT ALONE.
We all feel it, in one way or another. Even if our fundamental experiences during this time have been very different.
The sooner you can stop judging yourself and others for their discomfort, grief, confusion, and perhaps odd behavior, the easier it will be to reorient towards what can help you going forward.
3) Simplify
So the next step: make it easy on yourself. SIMPLIFY.
Really ask yourself: “What is TRULY IMPORTANT for me and mine right now?”
Forget about who you used to be, what you used to do and expect in all aspects of your life – practices, exercise, work, home life, relationships, etc.
Just TAKE AWAY anything that is not absolutely critical.
Is that a routine that no longer serves you?
Beliefs that are now more exhausting than helpful?
Projects you need to table?
And much more.
Of course, we all have to continue some things that we don’t like and that exhaust us.
But then be really discerning about which of those are TRULY NON-NEGOTIABLE, and which can be adjusted, even if at first it feels scary to do so.
Like with anything, when you get started, bit by bit, the shift will get easier along the way.
4) Focus on your SPHERE OF INFLUENCE
Still, many folks are racking their brains and souls about things TRULY beyond their control.
The progression of the pandemic.
The outcome of elections or political decisions.
Or the idiotic way in which someone just treated you.
As they say, the only thing you can truly influence is yourself.
And even that, is not 100%, and that’s ok.
What you CAN influence is what you choose to believe and see. And how you ACT as a consequence.
How you file away what happens to you.
How you treat those around you.
Apply yourself to your life and work.
Care for yourself.
And the like…
You may not always get to where you want to go, but focusing on what is truly somewhat within your control can go a long way to helping you regain your sense of confidence, control, faith, and inspiration.
If you want to go a step further in this direction, read our article “Life Happiness + the Power of Positive Psychology” focused on building human strengths and talents and increasing fulfilment and happiness in our lives.
5) Dream of the FUTURE
One aspect of today’s circumstances is that many of us feel very fixed in the PRESENT. It can feel impossible to plan anything far into the future, and so we’re focusing more on what is in front of us NOW.
That’s actually, a GOOD THING.
The present is all that truly exists.
Hard as that is for us to fathom.
The majority of us have been speeding so far into “what might come” or lagging in the regrets of “what has already passed” that we forgot that the only thing that is really REAL, is NOW.
As the famous saying goes: “If you want to position yourself well for your future success, start by nurturing what you need and want in the present moment”.
And that’s simply it.
I was immensely inspired by the election of a new phenomenal president for the Berklee School of Music, where I teach on the Valencia Campus. And the new President-Elect Joe Biden, as well as the first-ever black female Vice President, Kamala Harris in the US. To see them moving forward with power, joy, inspiration, and goodwill, is a powerful message and motivation for us all.
A true new normal in our future.
We need more movements of this kind.
Not just talk of what ails us at the moment.
As has ALWAYS been true.
So what hopes and inspirations do you have for your life in the future?
What have you learned from this challenging period that you want to apply to yourself and your world going forward?
Who do you want to be in the FUTURE? And why?
You will find more inspiration in our video: “How to Strengthen Determination and Perseverance for Creating a Meaningful Future”
6) Hold each other CLOSE
This is actually my favorite. We’ve had some tough times here, as many of you know, and still not as tough as so many others around the world.
That said, some days felt too heavy to bear.
So what do we do?
We hold each other. We say “I love you” every day, when the moment hits (which is truly every day).
We cuddle and tickle and laugh and celebrate in humble ways – even, but especially on the worst days.
We try to nurture simple practices that keep us sane – cooking a great meal, gardening, cleaning and organizing, soft exercises, light meditation, good conversation, a walk in nature, a good book or puzzle, the quiet of early morning or middle of the night.
Anything that Life gives us a chance to enjoy.
While we’re struggling human-style with all the rest.
Turns out our pup (who’s actually our KID), after a severe accident, will be deformed the rest of this life, and he’s only 1.5 years old. But seeing the joy in him daily as he walks and bounces, even on 3 feet, has no words.
My chronic health condition, with monthly severe pain and a host of other challenges, will likely not be resolved until menopause (at least a decade or more to come).
This and the many other struggles in our life have been terribly debilitating and disheartening at times, that some days, we didn’t even know what to think or feel.
But we keep pushing, reinventing, counting our blessings (which are MANY) and trying to send our love and gratitude to each other and others, as much as we can.
And we continue to triumph in work and life, bit by bit, which is such an enormous gift and determination for us both.
We know we are privileged in many ways and we try to keep that very present in our hearts and minds.
And yet so many others are as well, but they don’t see it.
There’s no judgment here. Just that the blessings Life gives us are always there.
But do we see it?
Our new normal is also counting our daily blessings
Try going to sleep every night for the next week just reviewing the small gratitudes you have lived. We all have them.
And they, I believe, will be the GRACE that will pull us through, to our own imperfect but wonderful “new normal”.
As always, I send you and yours my most heartfelt best wishes and don’t hesitate to contact me for a good talk.
