What You Need for a Better Life

What do you need for a Better Life? I have been reflecting over the last months about what makes our life and work most meaningful.

Some of these topics are perhaps more “abstract” or personal and as such have not made it into our usual more “strategic” how-to posts.

But they are what naturally emerges in our more presencial work and what people tend to respond to most. Aside from the fact that they move me deeply.

The title of this post, “What You Need for a Better Life” might feel dramatic, but it is so very far from that and so very close to the truth.

You may not be surprised, but it is a good reminder for us all, me included.

I have too many examples, from both my personal and professional life of errors, struggles, and even long-term difficulties of people, teams, and organisations, who could not do the following.

It breaks my heart, no less than that, because they are SO SOLVABLE.

And yet for some reason, we humans, struggle with them, and even deeply.

 

1) I love you, thank you. (The essence of a Better Life)

A gazillion relationships and situations could be seriously reformed by the ability to appreciate the other. Whether it is to your spouse, children, boss, reports, or just another human being who has done something for you.

The ability to appreciate, understand the effort of another and reward it, and express that out loud, is GOLD.

I have heard from quite a few people that if you say “I love you” too many times it loses meaning. This is not true. It only does so if you don’t feel it every time you say it.

Can you say “I love you” to your children every night before they go to sleep and still feel it? Of course you can. To our parents every time they do something for us or just for being? To our partner for caring and trying to help?

There are so many daily opportunities and we are missing many of them.

Love is not just romantic, deep, or intimate. It is also an expression and an extension of the “thank you”. An appreciation for someone’s effort, care, time, and consideration. Love comes in many forms, big and small.

We may think it is assumed, or not necessary and yet every time we express this it lights up a world.

Has it not happened to you? When someone looked you in the face and said with meaning, “thank you”. Maybe all you did was help them with a chore but if they, you, are able to feel the gratitude behind it, it creates magic, for BOTH people.

And you know what? It costs you nothing.

Only if you have a “scarcity” mindset do you think that saying “thank you” and “I love you” costs you something. It does, if you are not ok with yourself, or if you don’t truly mean it.

And if you are saying “thank you” too much, especially to people who don’t deserve it, it’s on you. Are you doing it to feel safe and accepted or because you are truly grateful? You get to decide and adjust accordingly.

But my general rule is: you can say as many “I love you’s” and “thank you’s” as your heart desires, as long as it truly makes sense for you and you feel it. Even if it is for something small.

And they will feel the difference, I promise.

 

2) I’m sorry, I was wrong. (Superpowers to achieve it)

For some people this can feel like they are losing parts of themselves. But this is only true if you are regularly apologising for things that don’t deserve it or to people who don’t deserve it.

The rest of the time, once again there is so much to be gained in finding the strength and courage to admit that you were wrong, that you are sorry, when you truly feel it to be so.

And by the way, it happens to ALL OF US.

It may be the case that you don’t want to feel it, even if deep down you know it. This again comes from the scarcity mind that believes that doing so will take something away from you. If the other person is someone who is regularly taking advantage of you, then it is.

But in many cases, it is just a matter of pride and confidence.

The thing is, if you were wrong, and if you are sorry, being able to say that out loud to the other, and with true meaning, is also GOLD.

The “I’m sorry you feel this way” is not it. The “I’m sorry I made you feel this way” IS.

You are always the final judge of who deserves it, but I invite you to consider the people in your life for whom such a statement is justified.

Also, there are times when we still believe we are RIGHT, but being right is less important than saving the relationship. This happens all the time, in many types of circumstances. And you are only losing yourself in the process if the relationship overall doesn’t work for you. You know what I mean.

If saying “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” is so difficult, then ask yourself what you have to lose for real? If it’s too easy and you do it all the time, then ask yourself what you are continuously giving away by doing so.

The right questions, lead to the right answers.

 

3) Tell me all about it. (The real treasure for a Better Life)

The reality for most of us is that we are too busy. It never feels like there is enough time. And yet, deep down, this is also a construct.

I don’t mean that it’s not real but that when we are clear on priorities, and we form our life around them, it becomes easier. I’ve been there and I also didn’t believe it, until I did.

How do you think the big leaders do it? Some of them are also parents, and managers of many initiatives, it’s not easy but it’s far from impossible.

The thing is that authentic, honest, and open communication is yet another GOLD opportunity.

“Our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time.” – Susan Scott

Asking your child “tell me about it”. Asking your loved one “how are you feeling?”, asking your boss or employee or client “what are you thinking?” and vice versa, has amazing results.

Open questions that invite an open, honest discussion are the keys of innovation and compassionate conversations.

You may think you don’t have the time for it.

But you do.

And I bet you most certainly don’t have the time for all the complications that come out from not properly understanding your kids, partner, employees, clients, and the like.

Consider it one of the best kind of investments that can exist.

I always say that giving your ear and the time to listen with your heart to someone, is a gift. Not everyone deserves it and only you can decide who does. But actively and regularly investing in this WILL change your life and make it easier.

You can reflect a little more on it by reading my NEVBlog: “Do You Truly SEE People?”.

We always wish you and yours every best wish for a successful life of your choosing. Never hesitate to contact us with your questions and insights.