Receiving feedback is one of the most powerful — and often most uncomfortable — things we do as leaders.
If we are honest, it is also one of the easiest to avoid.
Many of us work hard to give clear, constructive feedback to others. But when it comes to hearing difficult truths about ourselves, something shifts. We tense up. We explain. Sometimes, we silently dismiss.
And yet, in practice, the leaders who grow the most are not the ones who have all the answers — but the ones who remain open enough to question themselves.
There is also something I’ve observed over time:
It is very difficult to give feedback in a way that others truly hear and accept… if we have not first learned how to receive it ourselves.
People don’t just listen to what we say — they watch how we respond when the roles are reversed. Our openness becomes our credibility.
Receiving feedback can challenge how we see ourselves. It can expose blind spots we didn’t know we had. It asks for a level of vulnerability that is not always comfortable — especially in leadership roles.
But it is precisely this openness that builds trust, strengthens relationships, and, over time, transforms the way we lead.
As explored in our earlier NEVBlog “How conversations make all the difference in the world”, meaningful dialogue is often the foundation for trust, clarity, and growth — all essential for honest feedback.
A more human perspective on Emotional Intelligence, Humility, and Self-Leadership
1. Emotional Intelligence: Where Openness Begins
At the heart of being open to feedback is emotional intelligence — not as a concept, but in very real, human moments.
Those small seconds when someone tells us something difficult… and we feel the impulse to react.
Leaders with strong emotional intelligence are not those who never feel defensive — they are those who notice it, pause, and choose a different response.
They create space. They get curious. They try to understand before being understood.
Over time, this changes not only the quality of the conversation but also the relationship.
In practice, this often sounds like:
- “Let me take a moment to think about what you’ve said — I want to understand it properly.”
- “Can you help me understand when you’ve experienced this?”
- “That wasn’t my intention… but I can see how it may have come across that way.”
- “I appreciate you telling me this — I know it’s not always easy.”
2. Humility: Learning in Public through receiving feedback
Humility in leadership is often misunderstood. It is not about stepping back — it is about staying open.
It shows up in the willingness to admit we don’t have all the answers, and that we are still learning.
Leaders who embrace this create something powerful: permission for others to do the same.
They reduce fear, and in doing so, they increase honesty.
In practice, humility can look like:
- “What is one thing I could do differently that would make your work easier?”
- “I may be missing something here — what’s your perspective?”
- “This is something I’m working on — I don’t always get it right.”
- “You mentioned this before — I’ve been trying to improve. Have you noticed any change?”
3. Self-Leadership: Choosing to Grow
Openness to feedback is also a sign of self-leadership.
It reflects a choice: to take ownership of our own growth instead of waiting for circumstances to push us.
Leaders who do this consistently send a strong signal — not through words, but through behavior.
And that behavior spreads.
In practice, self-leadership often shows up as:
- “After this project, I’d really value your honest feedback on how I led the process.”
- “Based on what you shared, I’m going to try a different approach next time.”
- “One thing I’m committing to is giving clearer priorities — please call me out if I don’t.”
- “Let’s create a moment each month to exchange feedback — both ways.”
4. Receiving Feedback as a Cultural Signal
Over time, the way leaders receive feedback shapes something bigger than themselves — it shapes culture.
In many ways, a team’s feedback culture is defined less by how often leaders give feedback, and more by how they receive it.
People watch those moments closely. A defensive reaction closes doors. A curious response opens them.
And these small moments accumulate.
In practice, leaders build feedback cultures when they say things like:
- “Before we move on, I’d really value your input — what could I have done better?”
- “That’s helpful — thank you. Let me reflect on it and come back to you.”
- “I appreciate you raising that — it helps us improve as a team.”
- “In this team, feedback is part of how we support each other.”
Conclusion
The ability to receive feedback openly is not just a professional skill — it is a reflection of how we see ourselves, and how willing we are to evolve.
As Brené Brown highlights in her TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability”, real growth requires the courage to be seen — especially in moments when we are challenged or receive difficult feedback.
Perhaps the most important question is not how well we give feedback, but how we respond when it comes back to us.
Because in the end, our ability to give feedback that others accept is deeply connected to our ability to receive it with openness.
People learn from what we model.
Sometimes, growth begins with something very simple:
“Tell me more.”
