The “Young” Middle Age and how to fully own it

What is The Young Middle Age? We live in a world where youth, beauty and vitality are constantly prized over many other things. And they certainly have their value.

But the great majority of active, accomplished and contributing individuals in our society are actually past what popular and media culture would call “their prime”.

 

And yet I would argue that it is exactly in this “middle age” where many start to truly transcend their usual ways of thinking, believing, and acting, and for the better.

 

Carl Jung and many of his successors have considered that it is actually in this unique point in our lives where we begin to, not just ask the important questions, but also work on manifesting new realities, for ourselves and others, more in line with our values.

 

We have gone through so much and achieved so much already – families, careers, and any number of personal and professional goals. So that after these boxes have been ticked, it’s only natural that we start to wonder “what else is there to life?”

 

And the answers to this are many and possibly spectacular.

 

The over-coined term “midlife crisis” is a reality for many, in one way or another, and can hit anywhere from the mid-late thirties to the sixties, nowadays. I would say, in fact, it may be necessary and exactly what is supposed to happen, in any number of ways.

 

But what if, instead of being simply a moment of struggle, confusion, frustration and the like, this was merely the starting point for our newfound “Midlife Renaissance”? Because that is exactly what it’s meant to be if we follow through on the journey of new self-discovery.

 

This is not to take away from the fact that this initial period of questioning and even flailing may be quite disturbing at times. Any precursor to great positive change always is.

 

But so many great professionals, artists, scientists, writers, educators, etc., did their most meaningful and often most renowned work starting in this elusive and abstract “middle age”, and going forward. All you have to do is check out the TED Talks historical archives, and the like to see that this is true.

 

So how do we tackle this precious moment in our lives with more ease, peace, joy and fulfilment? Here are some thoughts…

 

1) The Clarity of Middle Age. “What is most important to me NOW?”

For some reason, we are taught to believe that what we thought, did, believed, etc. years ago is what we need to keep doing the rest of our lives in order to be authentic.

But this idea, at its core, is based on the belief that people don’t and can’t change and that evolving to new ways of being and living is wrong. And yet this is the whole point of “being in your prime” forever.

Answer this question in detail, “What is important to me NOW?” and let go as best as you can of what used to be the case for you “back when”.

We have not just the right, but the responsibility, to change our minds as our wisdom and maturity grow, for our own benefit and that of others.

 

2) The Revelations of Middle Age. “What do I want to have been and have done?”

You may have done this before and yet my experience in doing this exercise for the last many years is that most people have not. It’s related to the first question but it goes even deeper.

Hopefully, we have so much more time left and beautiful moments to fill it. But if we don’t intentionally work to understand WHAT will make our lives beautiful and WHY, we lose out on so many opportunities for joy and fulfilment along the way.

Imagine you are at the end of a long a wonderful existence but there is no more time left. You are looking back and the question to answer is “What would you want to have been and done to have made your life truly meaningful?”

It may sound morbid but it is powerful, and it was Allen Watts who said that reflecting on death every once in a while has enormous potential for awakening our creative potential.

Give it a try and write it out in detail.

 

3) The Community of Middle Age. “Who are the people I want with me going forward?”

This can be a tough one to answer as sometimes it is the family and friends that have always been around that have contributed to the greatest toxicity in our lives. And that can make us feel that we are “stuck with them and their way of being for life”. But it doesn’t have to be the case.

It’s not a mystery that at this age so many people end up getting divorced or otherwise changing some core relationships. But sometimes we don’t need to wait for things to get so bad before we change the terms of engagement with our loved ones.

Ask yourself, even write a list:

• Who are the people who positively contribute to my life?
• Who doesn’t and WHY (the why is critical)?
• How can I communicate around my needs, limits, etc. to improve these difficult relationships, or simply distance myself from them?

Again, this one feels tough because it is.

But let’s be honest: almost all relationships are conditional as they should be, based on how you make each other feel. Even if there is someone abusing on you, and you decide that you need to have them in your life going forward, there are many steps you can take to assert yourself about what needs to change.

It takes courage, but the benefits enormously outweigh the costs.

 

4) Transformation in Middle Age. “What situations and habits are making my life HELL?”

Again, this is related to the previous questions but it intends to dive deep into the specific circumstances that are complicating life for you.

It might feel like there is nothing you can do, but I promise you that after 10+ beautiful years in doing this work, not to mention my own struggles, there is always something you can shift, adjust, or completely change.

Maybe it’s your work situation, a habit that has outworn its welcome, a way of thinking and reacting that causes more pain than good. It could be any number of things. But recognizing the pain first is the key to moving forward.

Maybe you can’t change right now, but just believing that it can be made better and starting to think about how to do it, can go a long way in resolving this challenge for you. See our article on “People DO Change, Here’s How” for more insight.

 

5) Gratitude in Middle Age. “I am grateful for _________”

Sometimes in the daily grind of our lives, it can be difficult to recognize all the goodness life has given us.

Research has shown that gratitude reflections are one of the most powerful ways to make people feel more positive and powerful in their own circumstances, even if they are depressed or otherwise suffering.

This is not about comparing pain so that you feel bad for feeling your own. Not at all! Rather it’s simply about taking some time, regularly (before bed or anytime at all) to give thanks for what is good and working RIGHT NOW. It is all temporary, we all know that, but that doesn’t make the current relief and joy, false or insignificant.

 

6) The “Young” Middle Age. “I am young because ________”

They say “age is only a number”, and essentially it is true. But, if you’re going through some age-related difficulties, as I had previously, this statement can feel weak. But it’s SO MUCH a matter of perspective as well. You just have to spend time with people older than you to realize it, be they positive or negative.

My own dear parents intelligently said, “we spent our 40’s and 50’s worrying about getting old only to get to our 60’s and realize how young we TRULY are.”

Neuroscience research has shown us that, contrary to earlier beliefs that the brain stops changing at 19, we now know with neuroplasticity that we have the potential to learn, achieve and triumph at ANY AGE.

I once knew a woman who in her 70’s to late 80’s learned a new language. Also, she became a painter and mastered using her computer like a pro. I was only in my 20’s at the time but I never forgot her. I still have one of her gorgeous paintings.

So if you take some time to reflect on what is still so vital, vibrant and possible for you at the age you are at, there is an endless world of possibility, potential, and fulfilment for you to take advantage of and celebrate. But it first starts with what you are willing to believe, about yourself, first and foremost.

 

If you want to continue exploring further on this topic, you can also read our NEVBlog The Big Question about Midlife Crisis “Is this all there is?”

 

We always love your insights so please send us your comments.